Meandering without Meandering
After writing about psychology for a while, I've finally figured out how psychiatry works. It's based off of the notion of artificial intelligence. This may seem weird, but bear with me.
What is the ideal person? The ideal person, in the mind of psychiatry, works, but does not have emotions. Feeling good or bad? Mood disorder. Worrying about things? Anxiety disorder. Having a drink? Substance use disorder. Having non-reproductive sex? Sex disorder.
There are still a few issues in this theory to work out, but I think I'm onto something. :)
Funny that the hang out spot here, the dance spot, is the convenience store next to the tanks of cooking butane.
I guess I've had numerous idealist/absolutist ideas. Maybe part of aging is seeing more nuances?
I'm working to become more tolerant of other people. To become more tolerant of frustrations, stresses, annoyances. While also retaining enough frustration, stress, annoyance to keep doing interesting things. :)
Last full week of March. Will the package arrive? Does it matter?
(The package didn't arrive in March. It didn't matter.)
My assumptions often seem to turn out wrong, but I've written that before.
The Caribbean's a decent place to get stuck during a pandemic. You don't feel like going anywhere anyways. :)
(I think I've written that before, too. I guess getting stuck physiologically makes you stuck psychologically too.)
A lesson for me from reading and experience may be that thinking is overrated?
Do we humans, some of us anyways, over-analyze things?
Cloudy weather makes me feel sad, tired, feminine, weak, nostalgic.
I often feel confusion.
I guess it's supposed to be grueling.
I guess you can't reason through things entirely. At some stages you have to take your risks.
I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I guess just tired.
I don't think it's entirely a coincidence that "blog" sounds like "blah". :)
I guess my introvert streak must look somewhat funny to more average or extroverted people.
I may have a tendency to take things overly serious :)
We are the descendants of those daring enough to survive.
I feel like I've faced enough frustrations recently that I'm finding myself thankful that my frustrations at least seem to be occurring conveniently together. :)
We all have frustrations. They often work out for the better.
Instead of taking frustrations too personally, finding productive behaviors.
I don't think there's some one solution, I think instead it makes sense to have some balance.
The water remained available for a few days, then went out again today. For some reason I found it oddly comforting for the water to go out. Like it's "back on (or off) schedule". :)
Even a week or so later, I find myself watching for the iguana when I walk into a different part of the apartment. :)
(Even a couple of weeks later, I'm watching for the iguana.)
We have to adjust to situations as they occur!
Over four months after ordering this package (through a courier, not through the postal system), plus e-mailing them nearly every week with only occasional responses, they had sent the package to the wrong country, now finally e-mailed to say it's in the right country. Oh, and I can pick it up. I thought they were supposed to deliver! :)
I'm trying to call them, left a message on one number, the other number goes a voice mail box that's full!
(Later, got through to them. They said they'd try to deliver it, as if it's some extra favor they're performing for me to deliver the package that was sent through them to me. It hasn't arrived yet.)
A philosophy: "Things are gonna be pretty fucked up anyways so you may as well get on with it." :)
After the Coronavirus is over, we should have a huge party! :)
Having stayed largely in North America when I was younger, I took its culture for granted. I don't think it makes sense to stay put for long, though. The planet has too many interesting cultures, geographies!
I want to travel more, again. I think that tons of people in practically any country take their own culture and geography for granted. Maybe we should prod ourselves or each other to travel more?
I think I've often had a "false" attitude of things are just right and I have to do things exactly right. But maybe it makes more sense more often to have an attitude of Do the best you can now, then you can adjust more later.
Sometimes during travel, or "travel" as I've taken to calling it, you have things go extremely not according to plan. I guess that applies anyways.
After a while in one place, I have mixed feelings. Starting to become too comfortable in the sense of feeling like staying. Also desperately wanting to leave.
There's a song I keep hearing here, which I like. Some of the music here annoys me. I haven't made out the lyrics to the song I like. I recently noticed that it may be in Spanish, instead of French. That may explain it! (The French Caribbean songs are hit-or-miss with me, but I like many of the Spanish Caribbean songs I've heard.)
After a couple of weeks of rain, not doing much other than working, even going outside seemed like a bold risk. :)
The Coronavirus keeps on becoming larger than I expected. The package keeps on delaying. At least the timing works out.
Things occur far differently than our naïve intuitions. Even if we realize how naïve our intuitions are, this does not stop things from occurring far differently. It's like driving past stop signs that are covered in plants or other objects. Even if you know that plants cover stop signs, even if you know that a specific stop sign is not covered by plants, you may not see a stop sign and go right by it. Likewise, even knowing intellectually that plans fail does not stop plans from failing.
The rain seems to be clearing up, at least for a short while. I feel instantly somewhat better. Clearer voice, better mood, stronger body.
When a cloud passes in front of the sun, I instantly start to feel negative, congested, nostalgic, and more. I'm not sure if that has to do with the pineal gland regulating other parts of the body, some shift in air pressure or other measure, some semantic processing (subconscious?), or what. I think it occurs even if I don't directly see or feel the sun or air, but maybe through indirect information like reflections of light or processed air.
The data indicate that people (in the broad sense, encompassing also animals other than humans, and things) have quite a range of events, only somewhat stable, with cycles. We should expect something like that. Our stories, for ourselves or for each other, often reflect that after the fact, but I think that we often tell ourselves falsely smooth, stable stories beforehand. In part because they're simpler, in part because they're more desirable, the "easy" stories seem more practical. I think it makes sense to use them, but also to recall that they are only idealized stories.
You have to just adapt.
Things generally happen when you go out and make them.
There are costs, risks. But it often seems to make sense in a larger sense even when it doesn't make immediate sense.
So keep on going! :)
