This page includes lines, whether descriptive or quotational, that would go well in a story.
- "Blast off, we have blast off!"
- "Sure thing, sugar!"
- "OK, cowboy!"
- "My opinion is your opinion."
- "My onion is your onion."
- "Things are an illusion. Only the truth is real."
- Or the same, but with "math" instead of "truth".
- "...transcendental..." "Oh, you're into spiritual stuff?" "No, I mean, transcending spirituality and all that human stuff."
- (At a serious occasion) "Bro, how do you spell Sriracha?"
- "Is that a real, live moustache?"
- (Angry, serious man) "If you get cancer, that means you didn't try hard enough!"
- (Coach to cancer patient or double leg amputee) "All right, walk it off."
- "Yes, sometimes I say to mosquitoes, 'How dare you bite me, one of the greatest men alive?!'"
- "...a 5% increase in blow job creation this quarter..."
- "Take another sit in the great bathtub of life."
- "It's all a miracle, even the parts that suck!"
- "Happy as a man in cunt!"
- "For man, pussy is both the beginning and the end."
- "Yesterday's failure is today's fuel."
- "What's good for you is doing what's important."
- "When normal is getting drunk and hating, I sure fucking hope I'm eccentric."
- "After gay, then gay and lesbian, LGB, LGBT, LGBTQ, etc, I think we should just skip to ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ!"
- "I'm pansexual. I'm attracted to pans."
- "All I want for Christmas is an exoskeleton."
- "You kneed him in the balls or you need him in the balls or you knead him in the balls?"
- "If sunblock were a person, it would probably never get a sunburn."
- In the future, Americans will live in houses so big that you can drive a car through them, and only get out for sex, so once a month.
- Rice is like the ultimate test of human maturity.
- (Because it takes patience and wisdom to prepare it properly...)
- (And it tastes great!)
- You can't cram for the exam at the school of life.
- In life, you can't have it all, but you can enjoy what you have.