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| − | [[File:Laugh.JPG|thumb|Have a laugh 'n' a half!]]
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| | This'll blow air through your ears... | | This'll blow air through your ears... |
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| | ==One-liners== | | ==One-liners== |
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| − | What's the wittiest you can say in just one line?
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| | * In a new cost-cutting measure, the US government is changing the American flag to purple and white. | | * In a new cost-cutting measure, the US government is changing the American flag to purple and white. |
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| | * "I love dogs, with a little Hoisin." | | * "I love dogs, with a little Hoisin." |
| | * "Of course mustard's not as good on hot dogs! The military doesn't kill people with ketchup gas, does it?" | | * "Of course mustard's not as good on hot dogs! The military doesn't kill people with ketchup gas, does it?" |
| − | * "White people aren't hampered by emotions." | + | * "It feels really good." "Like farting in the bath?" "No, like peeing in the bath." |
| − | * "Build on your successes and cover up your failures."
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| − | * "Bob Marley wisely changed his early demo title from 'One or Two Loves.'"
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| − | * "In Florida, can you get Key Lyme Disease?"
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| − | * America: land of the brave, home of the free refill.
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| − | * "I'm gonna have to ask you leave the building, cuz you're smokin'!"
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| − | * "Philosophers seek the truth, and are therefore among the most maligned of humans."
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| − | * "Did you know that the jet ski was invented by a Pole?"
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| − | * "Wait, there are ''people'' riding the chaos of Earth's surface?!"
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| − | * "When I'm rich, I'll only bathe in coconut water!"
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| − | * "You call it a bird feeder, I call it a cat feedr!"
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| − | * "I'm feeling sort of misogynistic, but not in a horny way."
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| − | * "If you're a feminist, does that mean you'll do me with a strap-on?"
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| − | * Hitman: "Oh, you know, I thought I'd go in this weekend, get a little work done."
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| | ==Q&A== | | ==Q&A== |
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| − | Want to know more? You know you do!
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| | * Q. What do you call a library in Mexico? A. Fiesta! | | * Q. What do you call a library in Mexico? A. Fiesta! |
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| | * Q. How many homebuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. Just one. | | * Q. How many homebuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. Just one. |
| | * ... | | * ... |
| − | * Q. What do you call a library in African America? A. The Martin Luther King, Jr. branch.
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| − | * Q. What sound is made by a Marley-Davidson? A. A reggae roar.
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| − | ==Back-and-Forth==
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| − | [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dozens The dozens]. How many ya got?
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| − | * "It feels really good." "Like farting in the bath?" "No, like peeing in the bath."
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| − | * Businessman: "What are you working on?" Beachgoer: "I'm working on my tan." Seagull: "Hahahahaha!"
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| − | ==Acts & Scenes==
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| − | Dramedy!
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| − | ===A bite to eat===
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| − | In a southern diner, a NORTHERN GUEST, looking at menu, speaks with a WAITRESS:
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| − | NORTHERN GUEST
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| − | Excuse me, I don't see your kale salad with quinoa.
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| − | WAITRESS
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| − | Huh?
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| − | GUEST
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| − | And are your waffles non-GMO, vegan, gluten-free, and organic?
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| − | WAITRESS
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| − | Sorry, ma'am, we don't have no G.I. Joe figures here.
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| − | GUEST
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| − | I think I'll just have your... hm... chicken-apple-pecan salad, hold the chicken and pecans.
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| − | WAITRESS
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| − | Y'all just want a plate of apples?
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| − | GUEST
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| − | And bring me a cup of cranberry rooibos.
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| − | WAITRESS
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| − | Would y'all like any extra bacon?
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| − | ===Another bite ===
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| − | I went to a Chinese restaurant with my autistic friend. A German couple behind us sent back a bowl of soup with a hair in it. My friend goes, "Why do people complain when they get a hair in their soup? Didn't they go out to eat?"
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| − | ===Imagery===
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| − | * Peace sign with:
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| − | ** Pepperoni slices (piece of pizza)
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| − | ** Candles (piece of cake)
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| − | * Red white and blue silhouette port logos for se:
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| − | ** Solo (male, female, various positions)
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| − | ** Couple (various positions)
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| − | ** Group (various positions)
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| − | * Science diagrams:
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| − | ** The Oh cycle: how alcohol travels from grain to production to sale to consumption to vomit new plant growth etc.
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| − | * etc.! :)
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| − | ===Signs of the Times===
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| − | A sign language series. With textual subtitles.
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| − | * Dad: "Do your homework." Kid: "No." Dad: "DO YOUR FUCKING HOMEWORK!" Kid: "NO!"
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| | {{What a Joke}} | | {{What a Joke}} |
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| | [[Category:Jokes]] | | [[Category:Jokes]] |
