What a Joke?!
This'll blow air through your ears...
One-liners
What's the wittiest you can say in just one line?
- In a new cost-cutting measure, the US government is changing the American flag to purple and white.
- "That editor needs a semicolonoscopy."
- "In the US, saying hi to a girl is sexual harassment, and the age of consent is thirty five."
- "It sure seems like a lot of sheriffs are Jewish."
- "...the hot new dance track, 'I Left my Right Leg (Back in Iraq)'..."
- "Ever take the kind of shit that gives you PTSD?"
- "Ever take the kind of crap that takes a C-section?"
- "I love dogs, with a little Hoisin."
- "Of course mustard's not as good on hot dogs! The military doesn't kill people with ketchup gas, does it?"
- "White people aren't hampered by emotions."
- "Build on your successes and cover up your failures."
- "Bob Marley wisely changed his early demo title from 'One or Two Loves.'"
- "In Florida, can you get Key Lyme Disease?"
- America: land of the brave, home of the free refill.
- "I'm gonna have to ask you leave the building, cuz you're smokin'!"
- "Philosophers seek the truth, and are therefore among the most maligned of humans."
- "Did you know that the jet ski was invented by a Pole?"
- "Wait, there are people riding the chaos of Earth's surface?!"
- "When I'm rich, I'll only bathe in coconut water!"
- "You call it a bird feeder, I call it a cat feedr!"
Q&A
Want to know more? You know you do!
- Q. What do you call a library in Mexico? A. Fiesta!
- Q. Why did the chicken cross the road? A. Just cuz.
- Q. How many homebuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A. Just one.
- ...
- Q. What do you call a library in African America? A. The Martin Luther King, Jr. branch.
- Q. What sound is made by a Marley-Davidson? A. A reggae roar.
Back-and-Forth
The dozens. How many ya got?
- "It feels really good." "Like farting in the bath?" "No, like peeing in the bath."
- Businessman: "What are you working on?" Beachgoer: "I'm working on my tan." Seagull: "Hahahahaha"
Acts & Scenes
Dramedy!
A bite to eat
In a southern diner, a NORTHERN GUEST, looking at menu, speaks with a WAITRESS:
NORTHERN GUEST
Excuse me, I don't see your kale salad with quinoa.
WAITRESS
Huh?
GUEST
And are your waffles non-GMO, vegan, gluten-free, and organic?
WAITRESS
Sorry, ma'am, we don't have no G.I. Joe figures here.
GUEST
I think I'll just have your... hm... chicken-apple-pecan salad, hold the chicken and pecans.
WAITRESS
Y'all just want a plate of apples?
GUEST
And bring me a cup of cranberry rooibos.
WAITRESS
Would y'all like any extra bacon?
Another bite
I went to a Chinese restaurant with my autistic friend. A German couple behind us sent back a bowl of soup with a hair in it. My friend goes, "Why do people complain when they get a hair in their soup? Didn't they go out to eat?"
What a Joke?! is a book of jokes. Get it?
